A receipe of interesting conversation
Most guy I have ever met are more or less afraid to run out of interesting things to talk about, when they are in are conversation with a super hot girl.
Here is the receipe of interesting conversation in practice:
First of all, conversation can only be truely interesting if you both know where it’s going. Its like a movie, most movies first really becomes interesting at the moment where the plot becomes clear. Its similar with conversation, you have to let her know that you are interestet in her (in a romantic manner), but the only way you can truely make that cler to her is by telling her (read also about statement of intent). A key realization here is that you can’t just walk up to any girl you meet on the street and tell her that you like her within the first 2 minuts in the conversation, you have to justify you attraction for the girl first. So the main concern in interesting conversation, can really be boiled down to “how you justisfy your attraction for a girl”, and thus this exact skill is the main fokus of this article – the skills of making her understand why you like her.
The justification of your attraction for her is an important part of the attraction “procedure”, the reason for this is; that you risk scaring her away if you tell her that you like her, before she feels that you know her enough to make that decision. This is also why you have to get to know her before you can tell her that you like her, I guess its sound pretty stupid that I use so much energy to emphasize this simple point, but you would be surprised by how many guy that show attraction for a girl before they have a legit reason to so, and this is actually one of the biggest turn offs for most girls. You can compare it with a guy walking down the street turning his head 180 degree at the moment he walks by the beautifull girl, this is a very common situation and most girls wont be attracted for such a guy because they already have his attraction, and thus they have nothing to gain. Simple human phsycologi says that humans only really appriciate the things that they feel they deserve, so before she can appriciate your attraction she have to feel she deserves it. She only does so when she understand why you like her.
So the key point here is that: “you have to inspire her put herself forward”, the thing is that a girl often wont put herself forward before you do so, this the main subject of the next paragraph.
How to put yourself forward, so that she can do the same:
It is the way that you feel about the world that is the essence of who you are. You have to tell her who you are (what makes you unique) – but notice the biggest pitfall here is that you are not the facts of your life, you are NOT your job title, your age, your travels, the things you have acieved, your hobby, and so on, what makes you – you – are your personal and unique view on the world. IT YOUR UNIQUE PERSPECTIVE/EMOTIONS/FEELING that defines you as a person, AND THUS ITS YOUR PERSPECTIVE THAT YOU HAVE TO PUT FORWARD for her to get to know you.
You can have any factual thing in common (like you work title, what kind of sports that you like or things like that) but those things won’t help you build a connection with her, Instead its the feeling that you share that will inspere a connection between you. People relate on emotions (how they feel about something) they do not relate on the specific topic.
Example: She is telling you about how she finally succesfully made that cheese cake, and how her teacher really praised her for doing that, and how happy she was for finally making it happen. If you start to talk about cheese cakes you are missing the point of the conversation, because the point of any conversation is not topic (the cheese cake) but the emotion, so what you should do instead is to say: Wow I can totally relate to that.. and go into a story where you experienced the same emotion that she just told you about, this will make both of you feel that you understand each other and this is the essence when you want to relate to someone.
This is also why it’s not important that you have something “factual” in common with the girl or person that you are trying to relate to, because no matter how different you are, or how different you live your lifes, you will allways be able to relate on your experiences, and specially the feeling those experinces has generated, because those feelings will often be similar for both of you.
Your feelings is what make you – you and her – her. Your overall “mission” in conversation is thus to find out how the person across the table feels about the world.
How do you find something that you can relate with her on.
All you have to do is to ask them one of the following questions:
- “What inspired you to get into that? “
- “What inspired you to try that?”
- “How did you get into that?”
- “What got you interested in that,”
- “What was one thing that got you interested in that?” (Using the word “one” will make her give you a more direct answer)
Make a statement about how you feel about something and then at the end the statement on a feeling.
Example: When I first realized this “technique” I got excited, but I actually didn’t use it in my every day conversation, in fact I was nervous about using this stuff out in there, because it was my only hope of becoming more social, so what if it didn’t work..
- Oh I totally know what you mean, I feelt [happy] and  recently, when I did something similar
When you focus your conversation on the specific topic then you are going to run out of things to say, because you can only say so much about one thing (one subject), but if center you conversation around the emotions then the conversation can go on and on, because you can allways come up with one more story where you felt something similar to what the other person just shared.
When you ask a person a question in a conversation, people are rarely interested in the answer, for instance when a woman ask you about what you do, she is probably not that interest in your job, the reason for why she ask is that she want to learn who you are. And what makes you – you – is your feeling and your emotions. This is why a tell you to put as many feeling and emotions as you can in your statements, because that is really the only way that you can display your real
Value Digging Question:
- So who are you
- Why do really enjoy what you’re doing
- What is it that you want to do to make this place a better place (or worse place)
- Tell me.. what‘s your story.
- Tell me something interesting about your self
- What are you passionate about
When we talk, we want to tell who we are by sharing our emotional experiences.
- Finish of whit a statement of intent
- And then appreciate her answer