A step-by-step guide on Physical Escalation in a dating situation

Hey Sara, it’s so good to see you!! I ran across the hall and gave her a big hug lifting feet up from the floor. What about me, her male friend said; I turned towards him and gave him an equal enthusiastic hug lifting his feet of the ground. Followed by a friendly introduction, and this guy liked me a lot, Sara even told me that he had told all his friends about how cool I was and what a great wipe I had. This is how powerful touching is.

Further, a while ago I heard about a study in social behavior where they left 100$ in an ATM machine, and then they once people had withdraw they would send in a guy in claiming to have forgotten his earlier withdrawal.
With first couple people he didn’t touch the second round he touched them on the arm or shoulder. It might be surprising but huge difference 70% kept the money when not touched, against 70% who gave it back when just lightly touched. The results speak for themselves: appropriate touches in interpersonal interactions create trust and bonding between people.

Even further scientific research reveals that physical touches stimulate the release of Oxytocin in the human body, which is a powerful hormone that is involved when human bonding occurs. Research has shown that the longer you touch someone the more of this hormone is released and thus the person cannot help to feel more connected to you.

Okay so before you grope you way around touching people in the wrong way, (which is “every nice guy’s biggest fear”), I’ll want to tell you about some of the advice I found helpful when I was first starting out learning to do more touching naturally.

First of all a continuous physical escalation is a great way of implementing touching into a new relationship, it’s important that you start out slow, I suggest that you start by just entering the other persons personal space, this naturally done right away, right there in the initial approach. A good measure of how wide one’s personal space is, is an arm’s length, imagine yourself reaching out and touching the other person whit a straight arm on their shoulder, right then you are at the right distance. I would advise you to test it out on a couple of friends before you do this with a stranger, I would even advise you to make it part of you personality, be that touchy feely guy around all people, it will give you a lot practice in no time, and when she see thats just how you is, she not even going to notice it any more, she is just going to feel very connected to you.

So practice makes perfect, with time you’ll notice that even a few inches can make the difference between total comfortable and uncomfortable. Play around with it, notice the difference distance possible when you are face to face compared with shoulder to shoulder, transitioning from a face to face position on to a shoulder to shoulder position can be a natural way of getting physical closer to the other person. A shoulder to should position is great because you can get really close this way, and thus it will feel at lot easier to touch the person. Thought you can’t just reach out and touch the person it’s going to feel weird, so what I found is that if you start talking more with your hands, your hands are continuously going to be in motion and thus it feels more natural to kindly touch the person.

How exactly should you touch her (how kino escalation works)?

 Okay so now you are talking while standing shoulder to shoulder, what’s important is that you talk whit your hand, what I do in this situation is that I touch the person in the bicep-area with the back of my hands (try touching her bicep with the backside of your finger). Also never look on your hand while you do it (that will bring to much tension towards the touching and you’ll risk end up looking uncalibrated), instead touch her like that want to underline a point in the conversation, or just want to show her how enthusiastic you are about the conversation. Its important where you touch, so I’m going to say it once more; limit the touching to the upper arm!! Not above or on the shoulder and not below the elbow. Touching in this area is very platonic and thus she will not even notice it.

The next step is sitting down and carrying on the conversation, try to sit next to or at least so close to her that you can touch her, Ill suggest that you touch her on the outside of the knee or thigh, you can do so while talking with your hands like described above. The more personal the conversation get the more natural it will be for you to crank up the touching, when its time to make it more intimate you can use the inside of your palm on her elbow and on her lower back. NEVER grab around her arm with your thumbs, just lay you hand on her arm for half a second and then move on making other hand gestures while talking.
Next comes the statement of interest (SOI) after this if she sticks around your should turn the intimacy up a notch, but watch her body language carefully if you feel the smallest discomfort back of. Touch her hands, give her message, or put your palm on her lower back for a longer moment, stuff like this are great for turning up the heart. Also don’t underestimate the power of ostensibly touching, like leaning your knee against hers or elbow against elbow, these types of physical connection brief or prolonged helps the process of bonding.

One way to introduce a continuous touch is by holding hands, but you can’t just grab her hand and hold on tight, you have to make it perfectly calibrated to do that, one way to escape the risk of grabbing her hand too early is by offering her your hand, this is simply done by holding out your hand palm side up and then just letting it hang their while you are talking about something else, never pause talking while doing this, this will create too much tension and thus force her into holding your hand, instead just let it confidently hang their while not giving it any attention, if she is ready she will unconscious put her hand into yours.

Calibrated touching (Kino) like described here are one very important aspect establishing an intimate relationship with someone, further a continuously physical escalation will naturally lead to kissing and sex, it’s harder to go from “not touching at all” into “kissing or having sex” without some steps in between, thus a smooth escalation from the beginning helps you end up where you want to go in the end.

Escalation is also a verbal process that starts from the first moment of meeting her, by carefully listening to her as she speaks, onto the first statements of appreciation, evolving onto showing your sexual intent with a SOI.

You can learn how to make a SOI (statements of intent) here!!


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