Here’s how you make engaing and trust building conversation
The last couple of weeks I have been working on my latest conversation technique, and finally yesterday I had big realization on the use of questions in conversation. This method is simple but EFFECTIVE, I have used it the last couple of weeks (daily) to generate interesting and really engaging conversation with anyone. Damn, I’m excited because this works well.
Okay so imagine that you are in a conversation with another person, you are digging for statement of value on their part, you ask question that hopefully make them revealed something unique about them self, you should strive to make them tell you something about themselves that really defines them. It could be their religion, or maybe they are a vegetarian, or maybe they have some alternative belief (like if they believe in some ritual). This relationship-building-method works the best if you find something within them that are not mainstream, something that are not common, a belief of some kind.
Let’s for the sake of an example just say that you find that the other person is vegetarian.
So, how this work is that the moment you find a “alternative” (not mainstream) belief or just some kind of personal characteristic you simply put on a doubtful attitude towards that trait. This is a bit provocative and it actually goes against my overall ideas of smooth and charming conversation, but I have found it to be really effective, because if the personal trait of hers that you are doubtful towards is something she feels strongly about, then that she will start to defend her belief or reason for why she does as do.
The moment she begins to defend her belief, is the moment she will become very invested in the conversation, and the conversation will thus be become gradual more and more engaging to her, all you have to do is to let her know that you don’t understand her belief by asking her question why she thinks her belief is a justified one.
Tell her that you have never fully understood why people decide to stop eating meat, and then just ask her shy she has decided to stop eating meat. Ask her what she gets out of being a vegetarian, and most importantly what she feels when she refrains from eating meat. For instance let’s say she gives you a longer and in-depth explanation that justify her eating habits, she might say something like humans aren’t really meant to eat meat, and she feel a lot healthier now, and she more energy etcetera.
Now it’s you turn to show her that she has successfully made you understand why people are make such a choice, for instance you could say; Wow, I have never actually really understood why people avoid eating meat in their diet, but you just made it clear to me. And I actually think I know how you feel, because … (=give her an example where you had the same feeling and thus made a similar choice) ..a few year ago I stopped eating fast foods entirely, at first it was a two-week challenge for me, but I soon realized how much of a change it did on my mood and over all energy level, like you I just felt a lot more healthy, but people questioned my decision, but I stood my grounds because I felt the change in my body….
DO YOU SEE THE PATTERN?
Here is a simplified step-by-step plan of this trust and connection building conversation method.
- Be doubtful towards their choice (=Make them fight to convince you) Act like you are not convinced
- Let her/him convince you
- Tell about how they just inspired a new important realization in you, and much you appreciate that they explained it to you.
Do NOT use this “method” to manipulate others, never lie or tell a person that you like something about them if you honestly don’t. Be open and give her/him you honest opinion.