How to become more likable!

If people to like you, you have to take control of you attitude toward other people.

You overall attitude makes a key component in how people perceive you, and thus how much they like you, having a non-judgmental attitude towards others can really take you likability a long way. 

Likability is and important quality to display if you want people to open themselves up to you. People can sense if somebody are judging them, so if you come across as non-judgmental person it will be a lot easier and even more likely that people will open them self up to you.

A common mistake that so many people does is to slander about others behind their back, people does this unconsciously because this makes them selves look better that the person they are judging, but the result is quit the opposite!!

Because the people who are listening to your slandering will unconsciously start to doubt if they can really trust you, because they will in the back of their head be thinking; if also are speaking badly about them behind their back and this doesn’t really help you appear more likable.

Okay so what exactly am I proposing here, what do I mean by “taking on a non-judgemental attitude“. Well in my opinion;

There are at least three degrees of judgmental attitude.

If we were to sort these three degrees of judgemental attitudes in an order, then the first one would be in the negative end of the scale, sadly enough because it’s the most common and most widely spread attitude in many countries. The first attitude I call the straightforward judgmental type, this group of people has different degrees of judgmental attitudes, but common for them all are that they have a negative focus, so they complain and constantly shut others down, it’s like they strive to make others fell/look like inferior so that they themselves can feel and look like they are superior.

The next level of people are the basic non-judgmental types, they make up the neutral or middle part of the scale, these people don’t tear others down but they don’t build them up either.

In the positive end of the scale we have the warm and positive non-judgmental types – these people accept others as they are, they are free of judgment and thus encourage others without any personal agendas.

Which one of these types are you?

I’m not proud of it but to be honest I must admit that I was quite judgmental when I was younger, but as I grew older I noticed how I myself reacted towards people I felt were judgmental, this made me strive to take on a more neutral attitude toward others.

The last couple of year I have made it a priority in my life to see the world through the eyes of others, I wanted to understand other people’s motivations, fears and insecurities, that period made became less and less judgmental towards others, and I slowly felt a how people became more and more comfortable around me, people told me how that I had become a much warmer person.

What I have noticed is that people around me (especially women) began to open themselves up and start sharing their most inner thoughts. I believe that people can sense if you sincerely want them to do well. If people feel that you truly want them to succeed then they will start share more with you that you ever thought possibly. I fear that some of you might think that his sounds like some new-Age happy-bullshit, but please do yourselves the favor and try it out, people will feel that they can be their true self around you the moment they know that you NEVER will judge them. Remember most women fear to look like a “slut” (easy) – this is what holds them back in you sex life.

Another quality that helps will make it easier for you to connect with others is if you are being positive or constructive in your conversations: People generally like a person that is light, joyful and positive. So if you want to build a connection fast with somebody then you should strive to keep the conversation like that. So how is this done?

Well as mentioned above most people can be fairly judgmental and negative so you have to be able to steer the conversation in a positive direction. A very efficient way of steering a conversation is to use the thread-spinning method mentioned elsewhere on this site, by the use of this technique you can steer around negative, boring, and hurtful conversational threads, by simple just switching them out with more constructive and positive ones.

Keeping the conversation positive is more important that most people realize, because a negative conversation will make her (or anybody) feel negative feeling and that’s a big mistake, because most women interlinks the emotions they feel around you with you. This ultimately means that a negative conversation is going to make her associate negative feelings to you, which in the end work against the connection you are trying to build up between the two of you.

What should you do when she only talk about negative things?

Many women are often verbally venting out about how awful their jobs is (for example), or nag you about other shitty life circumstances, if you let her do that then she will start to view you as a guy she talks bad stuff with.

But if you start to use positive thread-spinning to make the conversation positive every time it’s starting to go south, then she will start to view you as the guy who always makes her feel good. Remember the feeling she feels when she is with you, that is the feeling she will connect you with, make them positive.

Here is how it’s done:

When the women is complaining about whatever, give her a minute or two to express how she feels (she needs to communicate how she feels), try to understand her and make feel that you does so, then relate to the problem she is telling you about (by for example telling her when you last experienced something similar) and then spin the conversation forward to a more positive thread.

If you want to learn more about thread-spinning click here!

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Hey Markus here, I'm the founder and humble author this website.    

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