How To Create a Connection With Somebody

This is truly a huge conerstones in conversation skills!!

If “small talk” is treading water, then building a true romantic connection is scuba diving into the deep end of the pool. 

Rapport is a fancy NLP word for interpersonal connection between two people. I my opinion the essence of social skills is just the skills of building connections with others, is all that really matters in life. If you fail to establish connections with the people around you then you are not living up to you own social (or even life) potential.

This might sound a bit over the top, but let me assure you that the skills of building connection (art of rapport) once mastered they will open more doors  than any other thing (except maybe a billion dollars) in the world.

When you know how to build a true connection, then girls will actually give you there right number, and eagerly pick up the phone when you ring them, they will be thinking about you for days after being with you for only five minutes.

Do you know why she will remember you of all the guy she meet that night, it’s actually quite simple, because I bet you were the only one to establish a true and real connection.

Once you learn how to establish rapport you will come across with a warm and welcoming vibe, it will be like somebody will turn on an internal spotlight within you, a spotlight that you can shine onto people with, a spotlight that people fight to be in.

Enough fluff talk, let get down to it. First of all, if you haven’t read: Passing through small talk into connection (QUICKLY), I recommend that you spend 10 minutes reading that post right now, because the first step of establishing a real deep connection (rapport) with somebody you just met is to break her/his patterns of small talk.

Note: A tread of conversation, is conversation about one collective subject, most conversations consist multiple subject and thus multiple threads.

ThreadSpinning and ThreadScaling: IMPORTANT ***


ThreadSpinning is a way of making interesting conversation within the context of the ongoing conversation, but it can also be used to steer a conversation in almost any directing without saying something out of context. This way you can actually shot down (leave) a thread of hers if it’s negative or destructive for your conversation (like for instance if she is talking about her ex boyfriend, or how much men exploits women’s,  or that you can never trust a men or stuff like that).


ThreadScaling is the technique of down- or sizing the importance of a thread, topic or a conversational theme. When you upscale something in a conversation you are make it take up more “space”/importance in a conversation, you would try to give and up-sized thread more value and thus encouraging her to talk more about it, downsizing is the exact opposite, is merely the skill of ignoring/passing over a topic as unnoticed as possible. Threads you want to up-size are for instance when she is talking about a positive childhood memories, or when she is listing all the stuff she likes about you. Threads you want to downsize are concerned about negative topics or ideas.

ThreadScaling is the art of choosing something she said an then encouraging her to talk more about that. In ThreadScaling you can use the techniques explained in these articles: (Appreciating her answer, ValueQuestions)

ThreadSpinning is a technique where you take something from her a creating something new out of it.

ThreadGuiding is when you subtle steer a conversation in the direction you would like, by getting the women independently: “talk about the topics you like” or “ask you the question you want her to know the answer to” or “tell details about herself that you are interested in”.

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Hey Markus here, I'm the founder and humble author this website.    

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