This is the fastest way to build trust and connection
Here is the situation: You have met someone new, maybe you are at work or maybe someone you sitting next to somebody new at a dinner party, the question is now: how do you make he/she like you? and how do you build a connection with them really fast?
These are in my opinion key skills when it comes to social skills, they are the sole reason for why this is worth learning, because imagine whats possible if you could make anyone like you and feel a strong bond to you in the matter of minuts.
This article is about what to talk about when talking to somebody you don’t know that well.
Okay here is what most people do, they starts asking questions like: What your name, how old are you, what do you do for a living. And after 15 min they run out of interesting things to ask about and the conversation dries up even before it really started.
If you have read the article suggested in the box above, you are now ready for the rest of this article:
Here is what most people do:
Most people I’ve ever talk are at one point or another trying to make themselves look as good as possible. This shows because people often talk about all the great things they achieved and so on. But the counterintuitive thing is, the better a person comes of the harder it will be around that person to be their real self. I mean the more perfect an image a person display to the people around them the harder it will actually be for them to really connect.
The reason for this is in my opinion that its our weaknesses that makes us human, and it’s therefore often our weaknesses that we have in common. Most of us are insecure in one way or another, and we walk around in the world thinking that we are the only one that feel in this way, but the real truth are the more you think and feel like you are the only one feeling weak in some way, the bigger the chance there is that other people feel the same. When try hide you weaknesses you are actually encourage others to do the same, and thus it will be almost impossible to build trust and a real connect. The moment you show your weaknesses, that is the moment people realize that you are just like them, and thus they will trust and open themselves up to you.
Here is what counterintuitive, the moment one person break down his own perfect image at that moment everybody else will admit to have the same or a similar “flaw”, and this the moment the connecting can begin to build. We all have doubt in ourselves, and when you express those doubts, you are opening yourself up to other people and this will almost always lead them to do the same.
Vulnerability makes you human, vulnerability makes you real, and vulnerability makes you relatable. Most people carry a façade when they are out in public; they try to look perfect – like if they don’t have weak side at all. This is how most people are when talking to each others, but that’s not who they really are. It’s impossible to connect for real when you have your façade on, and they have their façade on, when you drop you facade, they will see the real exposes you, and in time that will make you a 100 times more relatable than most others.
OK, LISTEN UP, this can easily be misunderstud, when I tell you to share your weaknesses it DOES NOT MEAN THAT YOU should be talking about stuff that is to personal or start crying, nor does it mean that you should start wining and complaining about something.
What i’m talking about is the art of revealing your soft spots “weaknesses” in a funny relatable way. This is kind of hard to explain to me, so let me exemplify this:
- Do not tell others about your problems
- Do not talk bad about others behind their back
- Keep it light
- Be relatable
- Admit you sometimes are lying
- Admit that you are greedy
Here are a few examples:
- Tell you felt embarrassed about something you did (or something embarrassing your mom did)
- Admit if you have said something wrong; always take responsibility for stuff that goes wrong even if you don’t feel that it is your fault. Take the blame.
- Tell them that you addicted to desserts
The key point here is that you have to risk yourself, before they will dare to risk themself (risk ones self = opening up = sharing a weakness)This is the fastest way to build trust and connection,