This MISTAKE is the reason 85% of all verbal fights
In the last couple of years, I have often observed that some people end up, (maybe unintentionally) starting verbal fights by being unaware of how the ways they communicate affect other people. I have noticed that a great deal people sometimes talk from “the god perspective” also called the all-knowing perspective.
What is the all-knowing perspective
Talking from “the all-knowing perspective” aka “The God Perspective” is when somebody states their personal opinion as it is the truth, the whole truth, and nothing else but the truths, like all other people’s opinions are unimportant.
Okay I know you are still probably not sure of what im talking about, so Here is an example:
Imagine you have just told somebody your dream, and he or she is answering: They say:
- The Bad Example (the god perspective): “That can never work!”
- A little bit better example(but still bad): I don’t think that will work!
- A Good example: I’m not sure if that going to work!
- Best: I’m not sure if that’s going to work or not!
To understand why I recommend people to avoid talking from the god perspective, try to imagine how you would feel if you were told by your parents that a dream of yours “COULD NEVER WORK”. I don’t know how you would react or feel, but I do know that most people would probably start standing up for themself at that point; if it happen’t to me I imagine that I would defend the idea harshly, I would feel that my parents didn’t understand me fully and more importantly I would probably in my subconscious mind feel like they were trying to force their opinion down on me, because they think that they know better than me. This feeling would all together make me recent them a bit (at least in this matter), if they did this repeatedly with all sorts of thing then It would slowly but surely ruin our relationship, and in the end I would probably stop telling them about my dreams and ideas.
Why is talking from the god perspective so bad?
When somebody is talking from the “god perspective”, like for example when they are saying: “That will never work!”, they are implying that they knows better than you, and at the same time they are subtle communicating that it’s not up for discussion because they have already decided on a firm standpoint, which allegedly in their opinion is the only right standpoint there is. The problem with this “all-knowing perspective” is that it is stated like a universal truth, like it were whole and only truth, this leaves in my opinion no room for others to express their standpoint. In time that can cause the other person to start resenting you, and most often these types of statements will lead to a verbal argue because the “victim” will try to save face, by trying to defend their believes.
To give you some more examples of these types of statements, I have made up some examples that I remember my dear old mom often said to me:
- You never clean up after yourself. :)
- I’m so tired of always having to repeat myself, why do you never listen?
- You are always late, I’m so tired of you not showing respect me!!
Notice how all of these statements are stated as they are the truth, the whole truth, and it not up for discussion. Okay maybe I haven’t been the best kid, but did I NEVER clean up after myself? No I actually did do the cleaning most of the time, but it seemed like my mom only noticed when I didn’t, and when she finally stated that I NEVER clean up after myself it would piss me off and start arguing. I don’t if you have experienced someone say stuff like this to you, or maybe you have a mom or a wife that speak to you in this way, I hope you know what I am talking about, and I hope you can imagine how they would make you feel and react.
These types of statement are only good for one thing and that is starting a fight. So my point today is that the bad “god perspective” is when somebody states something as being the pure and only trough, and of cause that will make people with other perspectives recent the “user” of the “god perspective”.
NOTE: The god perspective often include certain words like “never”, “always” and “will”.
- Alway talk from your own perspective,
- Try to leave room for someone else to have a different opinion.
- Never tell somebody that their idea is bad, (even if you think so) you should rather try to present alternatives and then let them decide for themselves.
When you stop talking from the god perspective, you become a bit more charming.
If you are used to state something in the god perspective, you might observe yourself undeliverable using the” god perspective”. Let’s say that you midt-sentence notice yourself stating something from the god perspective, then you can always abandon that perspective by simply ending the sentence with:
- ….at least that my opinion.
- ….or maybe im completely wrong.
the point of this is to open up the all-knowing statement toward giving more room for other opinion.
Here is how you can use the god perspective to make things interesting:
THE GOD PERSPECTIVE ONLY APPLIES TO WHEN YOU SAY SOMETHING ABOUT OTHERS or in relation to OTHERS OPINIONS, but when you say something about yourself it’s a whole other matter.
There is of cause a risk of taking of the edge of the conversation, because when you preface all you statement (opinions) with “I think…” or “I feel…” or “In my opinion…” you risk to make the conversation wimpy.
Remember that a natural source of conversation is strong statements, because when you take a firm stand point people are challenged to agree or disagree, and they will often quite automatically start debating you telling you their own opinion on that matter. But if you water down your statements with too many qualifiers your statements risk becoming too weak so that nobody will feel anything about them, which leads to boredom and silence.
Strong statements make you stand out and make you memorable, especially if people disagree with you on something.
This MISTAKE is the reason 85% of all verbal fights,