Why and How Emotional Conversation Works
Humans are emotional creatures, our emotions is in fact what sets us apart from the rest of the animals on this blue planet. Emotions are universal to humans, so when you share your emotion (talk about your feelings) other people will most often start to relate to you (sharing their own experiences), if they have experienced similar feelings! (This is an important observation)
When you make yourself seem vulnerable by talking about your personal feelings, it will be a lot easier for the person you are talking to0, to open themselves up quicker to you, because you have already dared to open yourself up to them.
Ding ding ding – let me underline the importance of what I just explained:
The quickest way of building a connection with another person is to have a deep conversation about emotional topics like good childhood memories, your dreams, your family, your passions, or even your frustrations in life, especially if the subject is some frustrations/happiness the two of you have in common.
In this manner one could say that “the art of connection” really is “an art of finding personal feeling/experiences that you have in common with someone”.
The reason you should strive to make the conversation evolve around emotional topics like these (childhood memories, your dreams, your passions and so on) is that there is a direct link between how much she feels connected to you and how much she has told you about her emotions.
Research made earlier this year confirms that the more she tell about herself (about her emotions, childhood e.g.) the more connected she will feel to you. So if you want to build a strong connection with her fast, all you have to do is to her to make her start talking about herself.
But how do you get her to start sharing these very personal feeling and thoughts..?
Show her yours and she will show you hers! (Tell her about your weakeness and she will dare to tell you about hers)
If you want to build a connection with a girl fast, you want her start to talk about hers and yours feelings. But you can’t just ask her about such personal things (like her most intimate feelings); metaphorical speaking that would be like opening the door into a pitch black dark room and then ask her to step into that room – and this is not the appropriate way to do it – it’s not the way of a gentleman – because she will naturally feel insecure about what’s going to happen to her if she start sharing her feelings – when she in fact know nothing intimate about you.
BUT – if you lead the way – (and thus metaphorically steps into the dark room first and maybe even walk around inside that room a little bit) – then she will see that it is safe and she will no longer fear to enter that room. Stepping into the dark room is equivalent to showing her that you are vulnerable (telling her about your weaknesses).
I know that this is bit abstract, but this should be seen as a metaphor for talking and sharing feeling with a girl.
Let’s sum up:
You have to show weakness before she(/the other person) will dare to do so. Weakness makes you seem more human, we are all weak (/have flaws), but we all think that we are the only one having those doubts and feeling those insecure feelings. The reason why most of us can’t relate is because we are upholding a facade the moment you – show weakness/or talk about your flaws – the facade will wanish, and you can start to relate to each other freely .
Once you show weakness she gladly follows you, and b then you can start to build a connection with her.
Btw I just found a interesting video about vulnerability on TED:
I recommend that you also read these 3 related articles:
- How to create a strong personal connection with someone.
- Conversation technique: How to connect with people emotionally
- Practical method: How to connect with people – Part 1 and Part 2
Why and How Emotional Conversation Works,